


a study in tea

by Anakin_McFly, Kleenexwoman



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Doppelcest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anakin_McFly/pseuds/Anakin_McFly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kleenexwoman/pseuds/Kleenexwoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John. Arthur. And tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a study in tea

the air is quiet with the stillness of an English afternoon  
and their eyes slowly meet across the stuffy little tearoom  
chewing on jammy dodgers.

for a long while, they just look at each other  
staring. chewing.  
thoughtfully pondering the other's existence

"hmm," arthur thinks. "a man who looks exactly like me. hmm."  
he takes a slow sip of tea, not removing his gaze from john  
he wants to go up to him and ask for his name, but it feels awkward to do so

john is used to feeling a bit awkward by now--spending time with sherlock can get awkward, so he's got to roll with it.  
he dusts the crumbs off his hands, finishes his last sip of tea, and gets up from his chair.  
"hello," he says awkwardly. "i'm john."

arthur quickly swallows his mouthful of tea, almost choking on it. "i'm... i'm dent. ...arthur. arthur dent."  
"hello, arthur dent." john sticks his hands in his pockets and wonders if he should sit down

arthur gestures a bit too enthusiastically at the empty chair. "you could take a seat if you want to," he says, and then wonders if he's being too forward. "or not," he adds hurriedly. "if you don't... want to."

john sits down. "well," he says. "so i've noticed that you look exactly like me." he smiles wanly at arthur.  
arthur nods more vigorously than is needed, his eyes awkwardly downcast. "long-lost twins?" he asks, looking up. 

john considers this. he does know one man who could tell them...  
"i have no idea and i suppose we'll never ever find out," he says cheerfully.  
"that's a pity," arthur says. he looks at his tea and takes another gulp.

"i know, right?" john is starting to feel a little better. arthur is clearly far more awkward than him, which is a nice change.  
arthur realises that his hand is trembling slightly, and he puts down his cup. "so, um. what do you do?"

"i'm a doctor. and a detective. well, a detective's assistant. sort of. unofficial assistant. it's complicated. er. are those jaffa cakes?"  
"yes," arthur says hurriedly, pushing the plate towards john. "please. help yourself."

"...a doctor and a detective," arthur echoes, looking impressed.  
"oh, yes!" john beams. he takes a jaffa cake. "it's very dangerous and tiring. i get shot at quite a lot. and you?" he asks, making a very gracious and classy hand gesture

arthur blinks, momentarily entranced, before realising that john just asked him a question. "oh. er. i, er, work for the bbc."  
"hmm," john says, and experiences a slight moment of existential vertigo.  
"it's a radio show," arthur elaborates. "nothing very exciting, to be honest." he drinks more tea.  
tea is good. it's a comforting constant that helps to ground him. and it helps to draw his gaze away from john.

john is staring at him pretty closely. he's trying to use some observation skills he's picked up from sherlock. it is hard. so far, he's worked out that arthur is a very awkward person. that's easy. and that he likes sugar in his tea. he thinks. and that he has a dog. or maybe a cat.  
when arthur next looks up, he sees john staring at him. his face goes red. he quickly looks down at his cup again.

john grins.  
"do you like dogs or cats?" he asks, completely innocently

arthur nearly chokes on his tea again. "what? oh. er. neither, actually. i don't... er. animals aren't really my thing."  
john laughs a little and then chokes on his tea because it went down the wrong way

arthur doesn't think he said anything particularly funny, but smiles secretly to himself at how he'd made john laugh. the spluttering is worrisome, though. "are you all right?" he asks.  
"oh yes. yes." john coughs one last time and gags a bit. "what about, er..." he sips at his tea quickly. "well, you see. if we were long-lost twins we'd have all sorts of things in common. that happens."

"oh. well. what about you, then? dogs or cats?"  
john thinks about that.  
"dogs."  
arthur nods slowly, as though this were a profound bit of information. 

"your turn!" john says suddenly.  
"wh... my turn? you mean... to ask questions?"  
"um," arthur says. "what's your birthdate?"

john draws a blank.  
"well," he says slowly, "i'm a virgo. not that that's important!" he adds reflexively, "because horoscopes and astrology are rubbish and...er..."  
"we're not twins," he says.

"what makes you figure that? i mean, i'm not a virgo, so i guess you're right, but..."

"i'm two inches taller than you."  
"no, because actually we're triplets. no, no," he says, as he sees arthur's eyes widen and senses that he's about to choke on something, too.

"you almost had me going, there," arthur says.  
john grins. "brilliant."  
arthur finds himself smiling back.  
john smiles. there is an exchange of smiles.

"my turn, then," john says finally. "tell me about your best friend."  
"his name is ford," arthur says. "from guildford. an odd fellow, but one of the few on this planet who actually seem to know i exist."  
john frowns. "you seem very...existent...to me."  
arthur shrugs. "why, thank you."

they lapse back into awkward silence.

"do you have a girlfriend?" arthur asks suddenly, and then wonders why he did.  
"er. none to speak of. it didn't work out very well."  
"it never seems to work out very well."  
it's weird, john thinks, now that he's hearing arthur speaking, everything he says doesn't sound like himself.

"true," arthur says. "it never does, does it."  
he finds himself staring at john's sweater and thinking it looks soft. he wonders what it would feel like to hug him.

"it never does," john echoes thoughtfully. he notices arthur is staring at him. he has a sudden vision of arthur sensually wearing soft pajamas and a large, fuzzy bathrobe, and a towel somehow

arthur clears his throat. he returns to his cup of tea, only to discover that there is no tea left.  
slightly flustered, arthur puts his cup back down on the table and wonders what to do with his hands.

"do you like towels?"  
john asks.  
"you just seem like, i don't know. a towel sort of person."  
it is a very stupid thing to say.

"well," arthur says. "actually, yes. yes, i do like towels."  
that was an odd question, he thinks, but it feels good to have a definite answer.  
yes. it's very definite. he likes towels. they are very useful.  
in ways he cannot name  
but he always feels better when he has his towel with him.  
it's like tea, in a way. he likes tea too.  
yes. these things are so comforting. if he has his towel and tea, everything will be all right.  
just thinking about them makes him feel better and brings a tiny smile to his face.

awww. the smile looks good on him.  
john smiles back.  
"do you live around here?" john asks

"not really," arthur says, "it's about a two hour train ride"  
"what brings you here?" john asks.

arthur blanks.  
"tea."  
"it's very good here."

"yes it is, isn't it," john agrees.

arthur brightens up. "so you're here for the tea, too?"  
john nods. "yes. and i live around here. baker street."

arthur has a vague idea of where that is. that it means something. hmmmm. baker. baking. pastries.  
for a moment, he seems to smell the scent of freshly baked English bread.  
mmm. it smells good. he closes his eyes for a moment.

a smile pulls at john's lips. "what are you thinking of?"  
"just delicious things," arthur murmurs.  
john gazes at him in silence, quietly enjoying the peaceful bliss in arthur's face.  
he looks like a man who doesn't get peaceful bliss often

john wonders what his life is like.  
he sips his tea carefully. "so," he says, "what sort of thing do you do in the city?"  
arthur opens his eyes, and looks lost for a moment. "tea, mostly," he admits.  
"is that, like...a code for something?" john asks.  
"no, no. it's just tea." arthur gestures at his empty cup and gives a quick embarrassed smile.

"not...drugs. or gay sex. or shopping for things you can't afford." john gives him a long look. "just the earl gray."  
"you... you do those things?" arthur asks, trying not to look too interested  
"oh no," john clarifies, "i don't. not those things. not all of them. but, you know...other people do."

arthur almost wants to ask him which of those things john does. "yes," he says instead. "they do."  
"oh yes," john mutters. "you'd be surprised."  
 _gay sex_ , arthur thinks, and hopes his blushing isn't obvious.

john grins. "i don't do drugs," he says.  
"i can certainly afford the tea," he adds.

arthur just nods along, lips pressed together, not quite meeting john's gaze.  
"so that leaves..." he starts, in an attempt at nonchalance  
"gay sex," john mumbles into his tea  
"...right," arthur says.  
"yes." john agrees  
he puts his tea down.  
"it's very nice. probably better than tea."  
"really."  
arthur has problems believing that anything could be better than tea; but right now he's having equal problems thinking anything, and he finds himself staring a bit too intensely at john. 

john grins at him. "look," he says, "if you're interested, i have some very nice assam back at my place."  
tea, arthur thinks. that's innocent enough to express interest in. "yes," he says, a bit too quickly. "that... that would be very nice, thank you."  
"yes," john says, and stands up. "tea is quite nice." _and by tea i mean gay sex._  
"it is," arthur agrees, not completely certain on what he's agreeing on, but anything involving tea can't be too bad. he gets up after john.

they meander for a bit. john wonders whether sherlock is home and if he will frighten arthur. arthur seems easily frightened.  
arthur wonders what in the world he is doing, following home a strange man who looks exactly like him who is offering him tea or gay sex  
or both  
he's not quite sure about that, but feels curiously unbothered by this

*

are arthur dent and john watson still wandering around, or have they since arrived at watson's apartment?  
they're at the apartment!  
is sherlock around?  
hmm. no. i think he is out.

arthur looks around the apartment. he thinks it's all right. it's very british.  
very british. a bit messy. but that's all right.  
it calms him down a little, because the more he thinks about what he's getting himself into, the more worried he gets  
oh yes. the britishness of the flat is so very reassuring. makes him feel that what's about to happen will be...normal.

he glances awkwardly at john.  
john shrugs. "well," he says, "this is it. i would offer tea, but, er, probably not the best idea."  
arthur nods. "yes," he says. after all, they've just had tea.  
“so," john says, "something else." he rubs his hands together.

"yes," arthur says again, a little shakily. he focuses on john's hands instead. they are nice hands. quite like his own.  
exactly like his own.  
he wonders what it would be like to touch them.

john looks at arthur looking at his hands. he stops and looks at them too. for some reason, this isn't strange for him--this is strange, yes, but well within a defined acceptable realm of strange.  
to arthur, he himself, rather normal and harried john watson, is something very extraordinary.

"what do we... what should we do, now?" arthur asks.  
"what do you think?" john asks. he reaches out towards arthur. just one hand.

arthur hesitates. but it's just a hand. hands are innocent. especially since it looks just like his own, both of which are currently absently wringing themselves. it can't be that different, touching john's.  
and so he pulls his hands apart and reaches one out to grasp john's.  
looking into his eyes, searching for clues that this is all right

there's nothing in john's eyes but assurance. solidness. understanding. warmth. this is all right. john is just like him, somehow, and arthur feels that for once there is nothing hidden to him and nothing unknown  
and he relaxes slightly in the familiarity of it all.  
and manages a small smile

john smiles back and that's good. and then he leans forward, and his smile meets arthur's.  
arthur is a little taken by surprise, but john feels safe; and he finds himself falling into the kiss, slowly at first, with the same awkward hesitance of their first conversation.

*

arthur and john are kissing

kissing. arthur is very surprised that it's very nice.  
and normal, too. it doesn't feel as weird as he'd thought it would be, he thinks, his hand moving around to the nape of john's neck, brushing against his hair

he wonders if it's like touching the back of his neck, but it feels fragile, somehow. he feels john's hand at the back of his neck in the same position and wonders if they would look like mirror images  
he wonders if there's a mirror around so he could look to see, but that would break the moment. and it's a nice moment  
the moment is very nice. john is imagining it from the outside, he can't help it. how they look.  
how arthur is feeling. it's like he can feel it too.

like they're connected, sharing this kiss in a moment of shared consciousness  
it's exceedingly strange. but nice. he's never kissed someone like this. with...other people...well. sherlock. there is always a certain distance and wonder.

arthur doesn't know how long kisses should last. he's never had much experience in that area. he realises that he needs to breathe, but it's too nice to stop. and he's afraid that if he stops, he'll lose this moment forever.  
and things might become awkward again

john senses a bit that the kiss is getting awkward. arthur is sort of...losing focus. he pulls back, slowly, just a little.  
arthur thankfully takes a gulp of oxygen. his brain was going fuzzy for a while back there. he looks uncomfortably at john, feeling suddenly self-conscious  
john sighs and closes his eyes. he looks happy.

arthur realises his hand is still on john's neck, and slowly takes it away.  
"that was, um. it was nice," he says.  
"very nice."

*  
they are making out on a sofa. it is awkward  
as are most things involving arthur  
yes indeed. most things!

john isn't as used to awkwardness, though  
no, so he's not sure why arthur is getting so awkward  
so he stops for a while, looking concerned. "is everything all right?" he asks

arthur is on alert. "um. yes. why? are things not? not all right?"  
"no, no," john assures him. "it's all right. you just... seem to be a little awkward."  
"oh!" says arthur. "yes, that's normal."  
"it is?" john asks  
"yes!" arthur says. "it's completely normal and really happens constantly to me. i'd be worried if i wasn't awkward."  
"oh," john says, because there's nothing else he can say. and now he's feeling a little awkward himself.

the door slams open.  
they both jerk around in shock

"JOOOOHN"

a deadly silence falls in which arthur feels very awkward indeed  
"uh," he says, and then looks at john.  
"he won't notice," john says, and then kisses him

sherlock definitely notices. "JOOOOHN!" he shouts again.  
"WHAAAAT"  
arthur winces. he doesn't like shouting, oh dear.  
he tries smiling awkwardly at sherlock.

sherlock stops. "oh. there are two of you."  
"well," arthur says, "i'm not... not really. er. i'm arthur. arthur... dent. yes."  
"not john, then," sherlock says  
"no," arthur admits. "not john."  
although he wonders if he could be, if sherlock wanted.

he thinks he could be. perhaps. sherlock is very hot.  
especially with the way he's looking at him like that  
it's objectifying.  
it's making him nervous. but in a good way.  
he swallows. "er..."

"arthur," sherlock says.  
"that is me, yes," arthur says.  
john feels suddenly neglected.  
he clears his throat meaningfully at sherlock

sherlock blinks and looks at him.  
sherlock suddenly feels awkward.  
he is not used to feeling awkward  
arthur has this superpower where he can make everyone feel awkward  
sherlock thinks he should probably do... whatever he came back to this apartment to do

he wanders into his room, pointedly ignoring john and arthur  
and trying not to think about them  
but it's sherlock. he finds it hard to not think about things

so what is sherlock thinking about them  
idk what he is thinking  
maybe a threesome  
or something more analytical  
how the more he looked at arthur, the less like john he seemed  
so much more awkward  
and yet in some ways the same  
he seems like the sort who would be at home in a comfy jumper, drinking tea  
but he's on top of sherlock's roommate, kissing him. looking offensively like john.

*

...sherlock eventually gets back to his living room.  
arthur is on top of john. or is john on top of arthur? he can't tell  
either way, he finds it very... nice to look at  
he stands in the doorway, sagging attractively, watching john's lips work around arthur's, move over his jawline and down to his neck.

after a while he realised he's just staring, and hasn't moved for a while  
john looks up and gives sherlock a slightly annoyed look  
arthur blinks, looking yearningly at john, wondering where his mouth went

"oh for heaven's sake," john says. determined to ignore sherlock if sherlock isn't going to do anything, he puts his lips back where they were on arthur's neck  
"mmmff," arthur says in satisfaction, his eyes closing. he wonders if john's roommate was there. he realises he doesn't really care, and kind of likes the idea of him watching two people who look like his roommate making out  
he's pretty happy to be a show for someone. it's quite nice, thinking he's somehow that attractive

he'd never thought of himself as attractive. other people usually didn't, anyway. but he realises that he finds john attractive enough, and if they look alike, he can't be that bad himself either.  
he smiles at that and kisses john with redoubled vigor.

sherlock is subtly licking his lips  
"yessss," sherlock says.  
john is not as pleased with the attention as arthur is. he firmly detaches his lips - arthur makes an upset noise at them - and glares at sherlock. "Get out," he says.

"no," sherlock says. "i want to watch. it's interesting."  
"don't you have better things to do?" john asks tersely. "like, I don't know, solve a murder or something?"  
"no!" sherlock says. "yes, there are some murders that need to be solved, but this is still much more interesting."  
"well, we'd like some privacy," john continues, still glaring.

sherlock tilts his head up and has to think about that.  
"it s'kay," arthur mumbles. "he can watch."  
john gives arthur an odd look. "he doesn't _have_ to..."

"mmrgg," arthur replies, and kisses him again  
"mmmooohhhh," john says in surprise, and kisses arthur back, opening his mouth to let arthur's tongue in. he glances over at sherlock, who is grinning. dammit  
john tenses up a little. he wishes sherlock would go. it's hard for him to concentrate on arthur's tongue when he's being watched.

"really," sherlock says, "don't mind me." his voice sounds a little...thick. breathy.  
and john definitely minds that  
especially knowing that sherlock never paid him this same attention when john had had his previous boyfriends or girlfriends over

oh no. sherlock quite pointedly ignored it whenever john happened to be on the sofa with someone who didn't look exactly like him  
arthur didn't deserve this extra objectification, and neither did he.  
except that arthur appears to be enjoying it. ever since sherlock started watching them, he's been...not awkward.

this is awkward, john thinks.

arthur seems to have transferred his awkwardness to john. suddenly john doesn't know where to put his hands. how to kiss. how to moan  
but arthur seems to know, now, and john gives in, letting him take the lead  
and trying not to think of sherlock

but it's hard not to think of sherlock. the piercing blue eyes in contrast to arthur's warm brown ones.  
sherlock is a distraction, that much he knows. he's not too sure if it's a good one or a bad one, but he's a little miffed at how it's taking some of his attention away from arthur  
he wants to concentrate on arthur, on the novelty of someone who looks so much like him  
and who has just decided to be on top of him instead

arthur is very enthusiastic now  
his awkwardness almost completely gone  
he's still sort of physically awkward but doesn't seem to notice anymore  
grinding into john

sherlock looks flushed  
sherlock is biting his fist.  
with an expression on his face that john doesn't think he's seen before  
he is not even saying anything. just lost.  
his eyes are blank  
this is a rare thing, with sherlock  
it's disturbingly hot.

...he needs to stop thinking about sherlock.  
arthur is tugging at his jumper

pulling it up over his head.  
(okay wait whose jumper is this)  
john's jumper is being pulled up over his head  
john wears jumpers only  
(wait does this mean there is nothing under the jumper)  
yessssssssssssssssss  
nothing under the jumper  
HOT STUFF

arthur's fingers run over exposed skin, slowing down as they trace the scars  
ooooooooooh  
john gasps a little at the touch on his skin

arthur quickly pulls his fingers away. "does it... hurt?" he asks cautiously  
john shakes his head. "no, feels good."  
sherlock makes a noise.  
"feels really good," john adds.  
so arthur returns his fingers to john's body, caressing the familiar form from the unfamiliar angle

john has the same body type as him, same general build, but he's more...muscular.  
rugged. arthur thinks of the scars and wonders if he had been in a war  
god, what happened to john that's different. if john is so much different from him--if it's his experiences made him so different or whether they started out that way  
if he would have done whatever john's done if he was him

arthur is strangely touched by this, wondering what john had gone through in his life. his touch turns gentle, losing some of the passion of before.  
john sighs and sort of leans back, just letting arthur explore his body. he's gotten so used to his scars he forgets that other people find them remarkable

sherlock is a little disappointed at this turn of events, but not too much, because the john-lookalike-person is touching john all over  
he likes the idea of his hands on john's body, the calloused hands touching those scars. although not-john's hands are quite soft. he probably has a desk job. radio or something.  
sherlock makes another noise.  
"mmmgggghhhhfffff."

john is now free to glare more openly at sherlock, and he does so, while arthur investigates the tiny physical flaws in his skin that makes his body all the more interesting  
arthur is fascinated by john's scars, his wounds.  
he wonders at the stories behind each one  
the way they make him different from arthur.

sherlock has moved. he's been creeping slowly towards them, fascinated  
getting close enough so that john can feel sherlock's body warmth on his skin

arthur: oblivious  
as he is  
being arthur

indeed. doesn't notice that sherlock is looming over them until sherlock touches his cheek

when he speaks, sherlock's voice is barely noticeable.  
"proceed," he says.

john wants to protest  
but arthur's hands are trailing their way down his body  
and suddenly

john really doesn't mind at all.


End file.
